Monday, November 19, 2012

What I'm not looking forward to during Thanksgiving

3 Things about Thanksgiving that piss me off:

1. Travel Updates

You can expect to catch a few dozen segments this week about crowded airports. I’m guessing, and this is just a guess, that every one of these segments will have the following:

Shots of crowded security lines and people sitting on the ground playing with their Ipad or smart phone.

Several interviews with passengers that say nothing a person with a brain doesn’t already know. You’ll probably tune out what they’re saying and comment on what they’re wearing.

And the worst part. They’ll bring in a travel "expert" to give you tips on what to do during such peak times. I love it when they say, “get to the airport early” and "expect long lines". Thank you very much Captain F***ing obvious.

2. Pumpkin Pie

I can understand eating pumpkin pie for the nostalgia but I’m sick of hearing people say how much they like pumpkin pie. It’s not that good. It’s probably somewhere in the middle of the universal pie scale. If it was any good you’d be able to get it more than once a year.

Don't know where this pic came from
How many restaurants do you frequent that serve pumpkin pie? Exactly my point. We live in America and the free market has spoken. And if you disagree with me then you disagree with America and everything it stands for. So do us all a favor and get the hell out of my country before someone sticks a boot in you’re A**.

I’m sorry if that was harsh but certain topics enrage me. So I’ll say something good about the pumpkin. They are the coolest and most fun fruit. You can carve them, launch them, drop them, and if you were forced to have only one friend and that friend had to be a fruit, most people would choose pumpkin.
So now that you’ve been learned please never wax poetic about the deliciousness of pumpkin pie again.

3. White meat

The white and dark meat discussion is preposterous. If you like white meat because it has less fat then that’s one thing. But if you say you like it because it tastes better then you have no taste buds, or more accurately rotten taste buds. Please don’t give me the lets agree to disagree garbage. Because this is an unobjectionable fact: Dark meat has flavor and white meat is almost flavorless.

I guess the one saving grace of Thanksgiving is that it’s always kind of funny to hear how many people burn down their houses because they can’t cook. (obviously only funny if no one gets hurt and they have insurance)

While I'm at it... Why do I always gotta watch Detroit play?

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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