Tuesday, December 20, 2011

3 Things Not To Do When Accused Of Pedophilia

Jerry Sandusky has been accused of 40 counts of sexually abusing young boys. This is a horrible crime and there is nothing funny about molestation. However, it is my job to instruct. The way the defense has handled this case has left a blue print for what not to do when accused of sexual abuse. If you ever find yourself in this situation and you are innocent here's 3 things not to do.

Happy Holidays from Jerry

Friday, December 2, 2011

Things I never get thanked for Part 1: The Last Piece

This is my first entry into my new series: Things I Never Get Thanked For
This is a situation I'm sure you come across often. It's when you're sharing appetizers in a restaurant and you get down to the last piece. Whether it's a chicken wing,  nacho, bruschetta, or that coveted last corndog; most people will be sitting there wanting that piece but not exactly sure how to go about it. (although most people don't fight over the last piece of bruschetta, they just think to themselves that they shouldn't have to split the bill with someone stupid enough to order bread with tomatoes on it)

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Overrated: Tom Brady and Giselle

This is my first entry into my new series: Overrated.

Edit update: 1-9-15
Fun Stat:

Tale of two Tom's.
                                                                                                TD's   INT's    Passer Rating
Brady in close games final margin of victory 0-7 points       129      74             88
Brady in blowouts final margin of victory 15+ points           194      35            111

Brady is super clutch in blowouts. Not so much in close games.

Edit update 1-21-13

How has "Mr. Clutch" fared since the Patriots got caught cheating?

Here's a year by year breakdown:
Throws 2 INT's in 13-27 loss Jake Plummer led Broncos
Manages to beat San Diego while throwing 3 INT's luckily the 4th one bounced off the defenders chest
Chokes away a 21-3 lead to the Colts. Propelling Manning to his first Superbowl.
Humongous  favorites over the Giants. Going for the perfect season and and leading the best offense ever. Pulls probably the biggest choke job in NFL history and loses 17-14
Big Home Favorite vs Ravens and lose 33-14 to a second year Joe Flacco
Big Home Favorites vs Jets and lose 28-21 to Mark Sanchez
Poor performance vs the Ravens and should have lost but got bailed out several times. If you watched the game you don't need me to elaborate.
Favorites to the Giants and lose 21-17

Big Home Favorites to the Ravens and lose 28-13

Brady and the Patriots have been Huge playoff favorites in many games these past 8 years because he has been unbelievable in meaningless regular season games. Often blowing out teams and perennially putting up some of the best offensive regular season statistics. However, when it comes to the big playoff games Brady shrinks. Those monstrous offensive performances disappear.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Occupy Movement

Taking my pet Bull for a walk on my trip to NYC last month
to get the Occupy Movement started

The Occupy movement has given people a medium to go out and blame the "Man" for anything and everything. This is obviously a good thing. When your life goes into the crapper it feels better when you have someone to blame. The problem is that after several months of protesting and finger pointing people usually stop caring and the Occupy movement likely will just become Occupy. I know this because it has been going on in Berkeley for almost 4 decades in a place called People's Park. Even though it is kind of cool to have a designated area in the heart of the city for the homeless; you are likely to contract an STD during your daily stroll through the park. If you're lucky you will just be harassed for not being a hippie by a former protester/hippie turned destitute/demented person. Either way I'm not sure every major city in America is ready for their own Peoples Park.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Halloween and Pirates!

With Halloween just around the corner I want to talk about my favorite costume when I was a wee lad. It seemed cool because I got to carry a sword, wear raggedy clothes, and only had to use one eye. However, kids should not be allowed to dress like Pirates.

My parents were not responsible for dressing me like a pirate. It was my choice. I was well aware of the ramifications. However I do not take responsibility for Skeletor, Batman, the Lion, nor the Pumpkin.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Gay Marriage Solution

I apologize for not blogging in a while but I was busy with my 14 fantasy football drafts. It won't happen again.

Okay back to business....
Gay people have a problem. I know they have a problem because every time I turn on the TV I see this kind of stuff below...... Gay people arguing for rights, Gays going to hell, blah blah blah

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Shower King's Shower Secrets

Hard at work
4 Tips to Showering success:

Skip this section if you don't care about me and want to get straight to the tips. 
I was known as the Shower King in college, one of many nicknames. And as the Shower King I am here to share tips and secrets I have picked up throughout the years. But let me first give you a little taste of my shower roots.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Why you should join my blog

Having trouble getting a great night sleep?
Wish you could have washboard abs?
Want a delicious meal without all the calories?
Have you lost that spark in the bedroom?
Looking to shave a few strokes off your handicap?
Would you like thicker fuller hair?
Wish there was a magic pill to solve all your problems?

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Vacuum Conspiracy

You ever wonder why your vacuum doesn't work? Well do to plenty of investigative research I have found the answer. Even though I am putting myself and my family in grave danger uncovering this conspiracy I feel it my duty to speak out against injustice. Should anything happen to me I hope that someone will follow up my work.
Old School Hand Pump Vacuum

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Everything you ever wanted to know about me

Me and my chocolate Belgium friend (and no I'm not being racist)

Allow myself to introduce myself

Admiring the view in Uruguay

I figure it is about time to update this. I read my last about me for the first time in years and I realized it comes off a little arrogant. So I'm going to temper this one and let you know a little more updated version of what's going on with my life in this post Rapture world.

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