Tuesday, December 18, 2012

End of the World

Getting some stretching in atop the Pyramid of the Sun
While taking in the view of the Pyramid of the Moon
Where some of the Mayans used to kick it
and the Aztecs later named this the Birthplace of the Gods

With the pending end of the world looming I figured I might as well take a few minutes for one last blog post.

Considering the fact that I can usually pontificate endlessly on impertinent matters, I have surprisingly little to say about our eminent deaths. I’ll just share some things I will be doing that you should be doing too:

Max out your credit cards because this will be your last chance to say FU to the Man.

Pay a visit to your local loan shark.

Hit up a strip club and make it rain.

Now is NOT the time to come out of the closet. You might upset a lot of people and there won’t be enough time for them to “forgive” you.

Confess your sins to your lord and savior Jesus Christ.

This one’s a little personal fantasy of mine so you don’t have to do it. Attend a court hearing and when the Judge pounds his gavel and says “order, order”, stand up and shout, “you’re out of order!”.

Make sure you save about a thousand dollars so you will be able to flee the country just in case.  I know this from experience because I wasn't Raptured last year and ended up in a few sticky situations.

I'll always remember how happy I was
before the end of the world :(
My greatest sorrow is that I won’t be able to hold up my victory trophies for Fantasy Football this weekend. Yes that is right. I am in the Super Bowl in two of my five leagues, mainly 12 and 14 team leagues.

My last wish is that the world gets wiped out by time zones so I can die a happy knowing that Death has knocked on the door of some very bad people and they will have to atone for their sins.

If you make it to heaven I hope you will continue reading my blog…

So long and thanks for all the fish!

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