5 things wrong with Europe

Devouring monuments as I work
my way through the old country

I recently returned from a 6 week sabbatical in Europe. There are many great things about the old country. In fact, there is much more to see and do than in the states. However, it is not without its flaws. Here are 5 things seriously wrong with Europe.

Before I get to it I just wanted to mention that I'm excited for the Olympic opening ceremonies in London tomorrow. However, I cannot help but think that it's gotta be a Dentists worst nightmare!

Disclaimer: All things mentioned here do not necessarily apply to every person or place in Europe. I admit that there may be exceptions.

Napkins

Here’s a little thing we take for granted in America. We are not cheap with our napkins. At a most eateries you can have as many napkins as you please. In Europe you get one functional napkin if you’re lucky. Should you require more napkins you must use the dispenser which contains a paper/plastic napkin. It’s kind of like wiping your mouth and hands with saran wrap. Not cool.   

Bidets

It’s bad enough the bathrooms are too small to fully extend ones arms. I feel like I’m in an airplane bathroom except worse because of the added bidet. Whenever I drop something on the floor I have trouble picking it up without my nose touching the bidet. Seriously, what is up with these? I do not know one person that uses a bidet, well except for my Mom who offered to wash my shirts in it.

Some bathrooms are so small that they put the bidet in the shower. Showers are supposed to be relaxing. It’s hard to relax when I’m huddled up in the corner of the shower and every time I turn, my knees brush up against a bidet. I shouldn’t feel more stressed after a shower than before.

Light Switches

A much younger version of myself would have enjoyed light switches outside the bedrooms and bathrooms. One could always have a good time flickering the lights when friends are in the bathroom. However, I am passed that phase in my life (mainly because I get yelled at when I do that now and am told “Bayani, that is not funny, grow up”). But seriously, why the hell are all the light switches on the outside?

Copenhagen's most famous monument

Gelato

This is a two part complaint. First off, regular ice cream is way better than gelato. There is a reason why in every country if you ask for “Ice Cream” you get ice cream and if for some reason you prefer gelato you have to go to a gelateria. It’s like how if you want soft serve you have to specifically go to a store that serves soft serve. But again that’s an opinion, this still makes you wrong, but you have a right to disagree.

This next part is an unequivocal fact. Europeans do not know how to serve ice cream. When you get two scoops of ice cream you’re supposed to push the first scoop into the cone and put the second scoop on top. On a properly scooped 2-scoop ice cream cone the forehead of the first scoop will be peering over the top of the cone and the second scoop will be on top of the first.  If you get two scoops in Europe you will have the two whole scoops sitting on top of an empty cone.

Not only do you get excess ice cream drippings on your hand, but once you get to the cone it’s empty (the severity of this problem is multiplied by the fact that you have to wipe your hands with the plastic napkins). You would think that a country with almost one gelateria per capita would learn to serve it properly.

Free Business Idea: Set up ice cream scoop training shops all over Europe.

Showers

In America you usually have a sliding glass door to prevent water from splashing on the floor. Most places in Europe do not have this. Usually you have one of three layouts:

a. There’s no real shower area. Just a one inch step and curtain separating the shower area.

b. The bathtub/shower with NO curtain or glass door.

c. The bathtub/shower with half a sliding glass door.

They obviously don’t care about having wet floors. I’m not sure why they do this. It can’t be the money. It has to be some larger part of a conspiracy I have yet to figure out. When I crack the case I will let you know.

Don Quixote, Sancho Panza, and yours truly. If you don't get the joke
you should read more

Midnight snack at Dima and Ewe's wedding outside of Tarnow
Gotta love Polish weddings

Me trying to look depressed in Auschwitz. Probably the
most depressing place I've visited. 

This is a blog for the people therefore I left out many personal stories. If you would like to read more details about my sabbatical (Riccione, Rimini, San Marino, Florence, Venice, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Warsaw, Krakow, Auschwitz, Birkinau, Tarnow, Madrid, Barcelona, Utrecht, Den Haag, Rotterdam, Houton, Leewarden, Pisa, Cinque Terra (Riomaggiore, Manarola, Corniglia, Vernezza, Monterroso) I will be starting a personal blog soon. 

Thanks for reading kids.