Tuesday, August 14, 2012

London Olympics 2012.. 8 more awards for the best, worst, hottest.....

Welcome to my first quadrennial Summer Olympic Games awards. Here are the 8: Hottest Athlete, Most Pathetic Sport, Best Rule, Scariest Event, Luckiest Team, Best Name, Worst Coaching Decision, and Biggest Mistake. 
Quick Digression:

As I am writing this blog I'm sitting here watching the crappy closing ceremonies and wondering how many athletes skipped to go get laid a few more times before the nights over. For those of you that didn't know, the Olympic Village is a sex fest. Durex provided 150,000 condoms for the two weeks of the games. This got me thinking.... 

Is it ever right to intentionally hand out defective condoms? Of course not. But... maybe the Olympic Village is an exception. Would it be that bad if we "accidently" bred a whole bunch of physically superior beings with unbelievable work ethic and dedication. With all the unintelligent, unhealthy, lazy, irresponsible people reproducing at an exorbitant rate; this might be something that could save the Human Race from imminent self destruction.

Okay sorry for the digression. Back to my original blog. 

Hottest Female Olympian: Silver Medal

Croatian basketball player Antonija Misura. 

Guys might actually watch the WNBA if she was playing.

Actually, I take that back. They still wouldn't watch. 

Most Pathetic Olympic Sport

Speed walking of course. Here’s how speed walking became a sport. An un-athletic uncoordinated guy kept losing in all facets of competitive sports. He was tired of losing so he sought out to create a sport that he could excel in. This was the birth of speed walking . 

I hope the next generation of lazy spoiled kids take this to the next level and add these events to the Olympics: walking hurdles, walking long jump, walking pole vault, walking soccer. The possibilities are endless. 

I was a very good swimmer in my day but not quite good enough to make the Olympics. Speed walking has me thinking that I should start a swimming event called "swimming but you can't move your arms and legs too fast". Maybe I could be an Olympian.

Sport that will give you nightmares. 

I was lying in bed flipping through channels trying to find something to watch before falling asleep. I stumbled upon Women's Shot Put. Five minutes later I was sitting in my bathtub shivering while the shower was running. Needless to say I didn't sleep well that night.

It kinda looked like this scene from Casino Royale

Best rule

There is a rule in Women's Volleyball stating that their bottoms cannot Exceed a certain length. Got to love a rule that forces participants to show as much skin as possible. It is kind of funny how women's sports go through great lengths to appeal to guys but the opposite could be further from the truth.

Luckiest Team

The USA Women's Soccer Team won the Gold Medal but they never would have gotten to the final had it not been for one of the worst refereeing mistakes in Olympic history. The Canadians were up 3-2 in the 78th minute of the semifinals when Canadian goalkeeper Erin Mcleod was penalized for holding the ball for more than six seconds.  This is a call that is almost never made. A call even U.S. coach Pia Sundhage said she had NEVER seen before. The penalty resulted in an indirect kick for USA that led to the game tying goal and sent the game into overtime.

There is a similar rule in baseball. The pitcher has 12 seconds to throw a pitch or else the umpire can call a ball. You've probably never seen this happen. Imagine this scenario. Game 6 of the World Series: Justin Verlander on the mound, Pablo Pandaval at bat, 3-3 tie, full count, bottom of the 9th and before Verlander pitches the ump calls an automatic ball because he took too long to pitch......  Exactly....that's kind of what happened to the Canadians. They got Royally screwed. No pun intended. 

Fellow Cal Bear Alex Morgan went on to
 score the winning goal vs Canada with
30 seconds left in overtime

Worst Coaching Mistake

In the semifinal water polo match the USA women narrowly missed snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Up one goal with one second left and no chance of the other team scoring, coach Adam Krikorian calls an illegal timeout giving the Australian's a free penalty shot.  The shot was converted and overtime ensued. USA rallied to win and thus bailed out Krikorian and the worst coaching mistake in Olympic history. It is literally impossible to make a more egregious error. 

Too bad the Men's Polo Team didn't think of this first

Hottest Female Olympian: Bronze Medal

Something sexy about a girl that
can kill you with a javelin
Paraguayan Javelin  Thrower Leryn Franco was
runner-up for Miss Universo Paraguay 2007 

She's a long 6'4
Best Name

Destinee Hooker. Normally I would say the mom's a naive idiot and didn't realize what she was doing when she named her child. Strangely enough, it was her father that gave her her name. So he gets the credit.

At least it's not as bad as former Olympic swimmer Misty Hyman

Trampoline Gold Medalist Dong Dong
Honorable Mention to Dong Dong. Unfortunately I felt it was unfair to choose a foreigner. I am not Chinese and for all I know Dong Dong could be as common a name in China as Jessie Smith is in America.

Biggest Mistake
Oscar Pistorius should not have been allowed to run in the Olympics. He has overcome many adversities and is an inspiration to millions. However, inspiration and adversity shouldn't qualify one for the Olympics. He should not be allowed to compete based on desire and inspiration. He has an unfair competitive advantage. It's as simple as this: While most athletes legs fatigue, his carbon-fiber blades do not.

For all of you saying that he should be allowed to compete answer this question for me: How would you feel if Usain Bolt took 4th place in the 100 meter dash behind 3 guys with artificial limbs?

This a decision the IOC may live to regret. 

Hottest Female Olympian: Gold Medal

I did not want Ana Ivanovic to win because she plays in one of the few women sports that people care about outside the Olympics. Fans already get a chance to see her more often than every four years. But I had to do it.

If you enjoyed what you read don't forget to check back to my blog in 2016 after the Rio Olympics!

Honorable Mentions:

Not too shabby for a workout
Australian Pole Vaulter Melanie Adams
I could make so many jokes about how
she holds the pole. But I am too
mature for that. 

Two-time Olympic Hurdler Lolo Jones is saving herself for marriage. She says, "It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Harder than training for the Olympics."

I'm guessing she has been responsible for a hella alotta rug burn.

Bonus pictures of our medalists

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